My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Drunk is not a location!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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