i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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