my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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