So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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