Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
