Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
