I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
this just has baby written all over it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
