i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
