Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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