The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
