I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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