that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
