So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
