Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
