And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
