Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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