Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
