Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
