Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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