he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize