i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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