This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
