"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
