I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
