You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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