If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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