I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
