I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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