If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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