The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
