dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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