You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
