I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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