This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
