my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
