I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
