Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
