he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize