Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
