Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
