I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
