They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
