And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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