hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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