i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
