we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize