The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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