Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
