the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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