i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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