Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
