Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
