I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize