There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
