I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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