Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
