I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
