I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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