I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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