I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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