The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
