he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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