with your own penis?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
