All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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