Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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