me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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