im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
