Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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