We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
