Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize