So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
