So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize