I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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