We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just google imaged poop.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
