When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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