hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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