If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
