Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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