I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
