ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
