Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
