I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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