Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize