Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
