I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
