so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
