this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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