I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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