They should really pass out barf bags in church
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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