Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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