Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
