the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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