I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
