somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
