It's Friday. Sex?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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