Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
