Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
