tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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