We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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