First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
