Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize