the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
