it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
