The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
